No matter how hard we try, there are somethings we just cannot control. We put our everything into something that is by definition fleeting and then are hurt when it proves itself to be, in fact, temporary. I named this blog "52 weeks to find a husband" kind of as a joke. The seriousness behind it was that I needed to remind myself to keep moving forward, to continue to believe in love and forever. And this is why:
Two months ago my grandmother passed away. This marked the end of a 68 year marriage. Frankie and Annie met in wartime through mutual friends and were married 6 months later. The black and white photographs from their summer wedding day show my adoring grandfather smiling at his new bride with hope and passion. She loved his charm and he loved her Southern sweetness. It was 1942 and they were nothing short of smitten with each other when they learned they were pregnant 6 weeks later. The day I watched Frankie hold Annie one last time, I saw his whole world fall apart.My mom and dad met at a college mixer December back in '63. Madly in love, my mom would cry when my dad dropped her off at home, in anticipation of missing him terribly. One year later John gave Toni his fraternity pin and a year after that my mom wore her mother's wedding dress to marry my dad. She loved his intelligence and he loved her kind heart. Two years ago my mom was spontaneously paralyzed and I watched my dad pace back and forth in her hospital room. This year my dad has been in the ICU 7 times and my mother has barely left his side.
The night my dad stopped breathing, I went to the only place that made any sense: The Frex's house. Despite any drama or doubts or impending doom, he took care of me in those weeks. But now the Frex is just an Ex and my fault or his, I don't have him to run to when that tiny little computer in my dad's chest shocks his heart or my own heart gets tired of seeing my parents get older.
I'm not so gullible as to believe in permanence. I get that we are feeble and fickle. Sidewalks crack and buildings collapse. Relationships crumble under the pressures of life and friendships fade away. Even our hearts stop beating. The trick might be to keep going but damn, a year has come and gone and maybe the only thing that lasts forever is the trying.
You're a fabulous writer. Thank you for sharing all of this.
ReplyDeletelove you, love your writing. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLife is fleeting. Sometimes though unless we've experienced a death in the family we cannot truly appreciate life, or our very breath. Viewing life through this lens can give us a more pure outlook on loving others, or (hopefully, someday) finding true love. Just when I begin to think someone is "the one", all of his flaws are revealed, or he gets scared and backs off. Well, that's only happened to me once, recently. But love is a condition of the heart. We may possess it, keep it, hold it, give it, even when others do not. Appreciating love and life on a bigger scale helps us to transcend the petty transgressions of others (or their obsessive fixation on ours), walk in peace with open hearts, continuing in our quest for "the ideal mate" even when we've been hurt so many times. Forgiveness, healing, and strength are ours, by the grace of God. Thank you for sharing this post. ~Love and Light
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