Reasons I'd Make an Awesome Wife

Getting to know someone on www.i’mtheonlysinglepersoniknow.com can be somewhat monotonous. It’s a series of all too predictable inquiries with all too predictable answers. One such question is “What do you have to offer as a partner?” Now, I get the question and I get how I’m supposed to answer: patience, a good sense of humor, loyalty, yada yada. But let’s be honest, that’s what every attractive, eligible lady like myself would say. Instead I have compiled a list of the real reasons I’d make an awesome wife.
1. I make popcorn on the stove top with oil and salt and all that fattening goodness.
2. I know enough about baseball to carry on a conversation but not so much that I would disagree about whom should or shouldn’t be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
3. I prefer Jon Stewart to Oprah.
4. I play a mean game of Texas Hold ‘Em.
5. I also think wicker furniture is untrustworthy.
6. I crochet lovely blankets.
7. I spontaneously sing songs I just made up about the family pet.
8. I make major holidays and birthdays super special yet not stressful. It’s a magical talent.
9. I always know the answers to French clues in the crossword. Ete? Jeune? Chien?
10. I don’t ask “what are you think about right now?” Okay, sometimes but not all the time.
11. I think spending an entire Saturday in bed watching a marathon of “The Wire” is a totally valid use of time.
12. I’m an awesome back-scratcher.
13. I genuinely think poop jokes are funny.
14. I have green eyes. Rare genes, anyone?
15. I always keep ice cream in the freezer for “just in case” situations.
16. I have phenomenal credit.
17. I’m getting sexier and saner with age.
18. I have amazing friends whose husbands are bound by solemn vow to help with all moves and major home improvements.
19. I’m not likely to die in childbirth due to my great hips. Plus it’s 2010 and we don’t need 9 kids to work the farm.
20. Since I hate beer, I never drink the last one in the fridge.