Last week I went on a first date with Shy Guy whom I'd been emailing with for a few weeks. I was terribly nervous for the first date because there are just some things that one cannot predict. For example, what if I have to walk around the bar looking for him and then don't recognize him from the 3 pics on www.i'm-running-out-of-back-up-husbands.com? Or what if he's creepy and we have nothing to talk about other than his extensive knowledge of serial killers? I lucked out this time; Shy Guy was gentlemanly waiting for me at the hostess stand and didn't mention Ted Bundy once. He seemed quite sweet actually. He admitted that he is shy at first but had a few funny one-liners that let me know his sense of humor is right up my sarcastic alley. He has pretty brown eyes and game seven of the NBA Championship was on to save us from any awkward silences. I impressed him with some sports jargon that I picked up from a previous relationship (I knew humoring the Sports Guy by listening to his theories on Fantasy Sports would come in handy eventually) and I made it through the whole night without revealing too much of my neurosis. He even agreed with me that Kobe Bryant shouldn't earn the VIP of the series because he's just not nice. All in all, a good first date.
But good first dates inevitably lead to second dates. I knew it right away when he texted me later that night to thank me for a fun evening. (I know, sweet, right?) I find second dates especially worrisome for a couple reasons in particular: 1) the first date adrenaline is gone so you start truly sizing up the other person, 2) you're bound to divulge some quirk that your friends find adorable but a perfect stranger would find disturbing, and 3) two weeks after my last second date I got a nasty gram via text that said I give all women a bad name for using him for a meal. Second dates are scary! They're high pressure! And who wants high pressure for happy hour on a Thursday?
To protect myself from these dangerous pitfalls I must go into tomorrow night fully prepared with a positive attitude. Since he'll most certainly be viewing me with a more detail oriented eye I will repaint my fingernails and be sure to wear something flirty and flattering. Because we'll surely be discussing more in-depth topics I will swear a vow of secrecy on anything regarding embarrassing bathroom stories, bad break-ups and fears about my aging ovaries. Due to my more discerning attitude towards him I will take the advice of one my very happily married friends and NOT look for something wrong about him. (It's a crazy concept in my perspective but it might just work.)
All of my serious relationships were with men that I had known for a decent amount of time as friends. They already knew that I was a nut. They just decided I'm like brussel sprouts with cheese sauce; the yummy part outweighed the not so yummy. Plus I knew them! It's not like I was getting into a relationship where I was unaware he was obsessed with the innerworkings of the newest Mac or once belonged to a hair band.
But life moves us onward and upward so on and up I must go. So who cares if he finds out I act out scenes of "The Departed" at home for fun? So what? Maybe with some luck he'll have an even better fake Boston accent than I.
