I Hope You Don't Mind But I Brought My Dog

When I was about 8, my sister and I got locked out of our house for an hour or so until our parents came home. No big deal. No damage done. In the 20 years since I have never locked myself out of my home du jour. That is, until today.
This week I was asked out on a first date via www. find-me-someone-to-have-sex-with-and-hang-out-with-on-sundays .com. This first date was a big deal for the following reasons: a) he's handsome, b) he's a lawyer, and c) this is only my 2nd first date; ever. Sounds nutty, right? How could a sassy, attractive woman like myself have been on only 2 first dates? It turns out I forgot to actually "date." Instead I spent my adolescence in uber-serious relationships with guys who were friends first therefore skipping first dates.
But I digress. The date is a big deal. Sunday morning breakfast date at a "hipster" place in the "hipster" part of town. I buy a cute new scarf. I find a shirt that says "I'm casual, creative and have awesome boobs." I paint my nails and shave my legs. Sadly, none of this prepares me for being locked out of my apartment 25 minutes before our scheduled rendezvous with nothing but my rockin' outfit and puzzled dog who assumed we were going downstairs to do "business" and come back up to chew a rawhide.
"Huh, that's weird. I've never locked the bottom lock in the 1.3 years that I've lived here." And then it comes rushing back to me. I spent the previous evening drinking way too much white wine with a side of ice with my dear friend, Kate, whom I peer pressured into making out with a perfect stranger because dammit, she deserves some fun. We walked back to my place after the bar where I proceeded to slowly pass out. Kate and Stranger Guy let themselves out and being the cognizant woman she is, Kate locked the bottom lock so that I wouldn't get raped and killed.
Crap. Okay, think fast. Creepy HOA guy down the hall might have spares. Creepy HOA guy does not, of course, but does have an awful lot of aftershave on considering he's shirtless and shoeless and it's 9am on a Sunday.
Alright, new plan. My balcony is about 6 feet from my neighbors' balcony, a nice, young ridiculously happy couple. I'm fairly sure I could put something between the balconies and just crawl across. Genius! First step, wake up neighbors. Second step, explain plan. Third step, locate 10 foot ladder. If at this point you're thinking "holy geez, don't die for a mere first date," you'd be right. Luckily cute neighbors and creepy HOA guy put the kabash on the plan after seeing how high 50 feet in the air actually is.
"Do you have this guy's number?" says creepy HOA guy. No. "Well, what, do you want to marry this guy or something?" say cute neighbors. Maybe. "But you've never even met him!" says creepy HOA guy. Hey, I said 'maybe.' Cute neighbor wife totally gets this. Let's get this done. Creepy HOA guy agrees to drive me to the date. Cute neighbors give me $30 cash, "just in case." I resolve to figure out the locked door thing later and take my dog with me in order to not inconvenience either party.
I arrive at breakfast frazzled, 15 minutes late and with a very excited dog. The lawyer appears less than pleased so I quickly apologize for my tardiness and say "Hey, I hope you don't mind but I brought my dog." I explain the morning's shenanigans and undoubtedly come off as a crazy person but he's sweet and gentlemanly and agrees to drive me and Sadie the Dog home later and of course use his phone to call my friend who has my spare key.
Breakfast itself goes well. The food is delicious, the weather is beautiful, the conversation interesting. Despite my obvious nuttiness he seems to have a twinkle in his eye while we talk and even gives Sadie the Dog some of his food as a treat. He's successful, charming and ready to settle down. No need to worry about the hideous upper arm tattoo; no one's perfect.
I call my friend who has my spare to discover that she is out of town but her husband may be able to come rescue me. Lawyer drives us home while Sadie the Dog unwittingly dirties the back seat. Friend's husband is already there and immediately sizes up the lawyer. They shake hands and friend's husband wants to know what we're doing the rest of the day and lawyer and I answer awkwardly. Friend's husband and I hug goodbye. Lawyer and I hug goodbye. Sadie the Dog licks both goodbye.
All in all, a good if not great first date. That is except for that whole "I'll die trying" part.